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October 21, 2012
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Sometimes the fire will only ever flicker and glint
No matter how many times you spark the flint.
So shade me in with any hue,
I do suppose it was something long overdue.

But when the turpentine removes the décor,
When you strip away passed my locked door
What will be at the core?
Well, I'm not sure.

I have come and found
That I tend to frown
When asked to define;
Who am I?
It seems that every time I do something like a survey or whatever there is always the "define yourself" or "who do you think you are" question.

I don't know! :iconslamheadplz:

Yeah, thanks for reading! XD
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Okay... now not in a critique fashion but I really liked the theme and the over all form of the work was of this sort: you first give an imagery of what you feel and then you state it straightforwardly. The only thing that sort of "annoyed" me was that you didn't really keep the meter consistent. True, when reading aloud, the first stanza was fine, but the second one and last one have varying meter. If that could be fixed, this is quite the well written work!
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:iconitstrueistalkyou:
ItsTrueIStalkYou Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
jsksbdkjf I didn't even notice how horrible that was! Crap.

I am absolutely horrible with rhythm and keeping my meter consistent, do you have any advice to help me with that? I have been struggling with it since I started writing poetry.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well... the simplest thing is to read it out aloud. Each line should match within either the stanza (each line should start and end in a flow) or the rhyming line (some works have abab rhymes where the meter of 'a' differs from that of 'b')

Try to read a few works that have meter like "The Raven" and well... you can find many on dA ^^;... also try adding buffering words like I do. If you have the lines:

But when the turpentine removes the décor,
When you strip away passed my locked door
What will be at the core?
Well, I'm not sure.


Now the third and fourth line don't really fit the stanza. You might add buffer expression like "I wonder..." and alter the third line as "I wonder what you might find at the core". This works well with meter. Also meter is at times disrupted by specific words that feel "heavy" when spoken. Turpentine is one example.

Experience will help you with it :aww:
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:iconitstrueistalkyou:
ItsTrueIStalkYou Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!

I am currently working on a poem and have tried to take your explanation to heart. It is currently with the person whom helps me makes sure there are no errors so I should have it finished tomorrow. ^^

Thank you once again, you have no idea how much you help me!
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hehe you are welcome :) I am glad I could help :aww: when you finish it, send me a link! I would want to read it as soon as possible :)
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:iconitstrueistalkyou:
ItsTrueIStalkYou Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Here you are then [link]

I will forewarn you that I have no idea if I actually managed to do it right...
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
haha thanks for the warning :) every step is an improvement :aww:
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I will read it when I can :aww: Thank you for the fav on the Journal :D I hope you enjoyed it :aww:
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:iconitstrueistalkyou:
ItsTrueIStalkYou Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I did and thank you!
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